I've had something on my mind, and this week I finally decided to bring it to the Light to be transformed into something else. . .
I'm curious lady, what is your experience like with "Light shaming" i.e. being made to feel bad about being positive, practicing self care, or putting yourself first? Ever been called naive or self centered or too happy?
Due to the political climate and the suffering of others, especially other women around the world and right here in the USA, I've been seeing some talk lately that doesn't settle right with me hence why I did a whole podcast on it this week. It feels like it's pinning "privileged" people versus "unprivileged people," but is the answer to separate and shame others for taking care of themselves? Does suffering erase suffering?
As the leader and creator of the Self Care Collective online membership, I felt like I needed to investigate why this is triggering me and dig deeper into why conversations around self care can be viewed negatively. My conclusion? I think it's for 3 big reasons.
BIG REASON #1
Because for a very long time society has told us that self care is unnecessary and self-indulgent. Period. Self Care has been seen as frivolous; a waste of our time and hard earned money. That point is pretty self explanatory.
BIG REASON #2
Self Care has only been seen as self-indulgent or even selfish because of how we have previously viewed self care; because of our former definition of self care, which is simply outdated. Our former view of self care has been extremely surface level, think bubble baths and massages. But realistically, we know now (or are beginning to realize), that self care is really about loving yourself enough to take care of yourself and then using that self love to live a life that brings you happiness.
Yes, going to yoga class and getting a massage still totally counts as valid, lovely self care tools, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. You don't have to get a weekly rose petal bath, get your nails done every other week, and get to yoga class 3x a week to be considered well cared for; in fact, I know plenty of people who do these things but are still a stressed out mess because why? because at the end of the day, I don't think they fully love and accept themselves. I think they are putting surface level self care bandaids on their darkness.
But the good news? Once we switch our definition of self care, we can start to do the inner AND outer self care work!!
BIG REASON #3
We need to know that self care isn't selfish because concerning women, our place for a very long time in this patriarchal society has been to serve others and others alone at the sake of our selves. But we have now caught on that you cannot give from an empty cup, and despite the fact that women can be natural, beautiful givers, we must come first.
In fact, I heard the most beautiful analogy from Coach Cara Viana who has us imagine a tea cup, and then above that tea cup, is a tiny tea cup. That tiny tea cup gets filled first; that's your self care cup, and once that is full, it naturally spills over into the bigger life cup below. And then that cup overflows onto the saucer and out into the world....
You see, we must all help each other RISE, but we truly cannot give from an empty cup. Fill up your tiny tea cup and watch how big it gets!